Thursday, January 31, 2013
That's my Dan!
A true story from
-Ashna Anne Philip
That night he was here, that man who knew and understood me and yeah – loved me for who exactly I am ..Holding me tight , afraid that there was someone out in the dark waiting to take me away from him .. his lips were steady as he said "baby .. no matter what, I am always there for you , you know that?"
"uh-uh" I replied confused. "And do you know that I have loved you so much more than what you’d ever imagined love is, and that it can neither be measured nor weighed?"
I looked into his eyes, his eyes never leaving mine .. I knew there was something he wanted me know .. just my ears he did not want it to travel from my nerves to brain and ask him cross-questions .. I wanted to say him it was all right .. and whatever was his problem we both could conquer it down .. but I decided that I would never dodge him to say it to me .. I wanted him-self to say it to me - at least when he thought he could trust me on it .
His eyes were weary and tired .. I felt that nothing of him was the same .. although he was the same old Dan .. there was something missing in him ---- the way he touched me said it all , every day after the day’s work he’d come on in and sit on the couch , removing his formal shirt and flexing his muscles he’d say ..
"Ash ..I need a women like oxygen" saying this he’d fall on me and kiss me.. the type of kiss that could heal pain away and turn sorrow into joy . He was all but everything an ideal women would have ever dreamed off ..and I've always considered myself lucky for having seen the best laugh in the world .
Today was another day and holding me tight was another Dan , at least not the man I've loved for years.
I waited patiently for his lips to activate and at last he blurted out partially dropping tears and said something I’d never wanted to hear from his lips , he asked for a BREAK UP . I swallowed some oxygen and asked "A what Dan?" hoping that he’d never said that.
"Oh please Ash don’t make me say that again .. I know you have heard me and that’s all I want for the moment " he said facing down, I felt that I were shot right through my chest .. The word he said pierced into my heart making a hole visible inside my mind. I felt the world’s one complete revolution taking place in that moment . I wanted him to say that he was just lying about It, instead looking elsewhere he said "I’d found my dream girl .. she is beautiful , she loves me and I love her .. Sorry Ash , but am totally into her." His voice was shaky and I were totally numb the blood flow inside my body had stopped, I didn't feel anything because I had lost my feelings .. my senses, right then I were a something that could breathe but had no emotions .. no life . I lifted my hands and kept’em on his cheeks .. it was cold , and I said, "Tell me you don’t mean it Dan , I know this ain't you .. not the one I've loved , please kiss and tell me that everything before five seconds was just an illusion" .. he shut his lashes down and began to cry , he pressed his lips on not wanting to cry more .
"please" I said "I’d go out of your life but please don’t cry , I can never withstand that." He looked at me, tears swelling in his eyes .. I said , "Although you can lie to me now , I know that you can and will always love me , or let me take it that way .. and my house is just few lanes from yours , the door wouldn't close at your face .. It is always open , just wanted you to remember that" not wanting to see his tears , I walked straight to my car and went home.
six months later , after my final semester I’d got this letter from Dan ,
To mine in Earth ,
Dear Ashlyn .. Hope you ain't mad at me , although I am mad at no one but myself. Do you remember that I had loved you before? well I just wanted you to know that I still love you and that I would continue the same love in future too .. That day was nothing but a play in which we both had played the main roles .. I had to lie to you because I wanted you to forget me , because my live days could only be predicted by god .. it was in the hands of my doctors,. in glucose and hospital beds I lived .. my hair has been shaved off .. my muscles have all died inside myself .. my blood has been infected with various macromolecules that cuts down by bodily systems .. I've lost my weight .. my attitude and everything through which anyone could judge me from the outside .. but there is one thing that grew the entire time .. one thing the virus couldn't take away from me .. one thing I pleaded not to be taken from me .. my love for you , that is the only thing that grew even through my chemo and radiation sections. Now I just wanted you to know that you have been the perfect girl of my dreams, the one that had given me the colors of my life when the entire world was dark .. whenever you do feel lonely shut your lashes down and I’d be there in front of you .. holding you tight like your guardian angel .. till you find your perfect man .. There is nothing to worry because time heals pain and you’ll surely get on with your life .
P.S I will always love you , till the last breath of this universe.
From yours in heaven.